Today is the 24th day of October, I probably will always remember this exact date because it was one of my best friend's birthday. We met in university and somehow we connected easily as she was very kind and easy to talk to. I couldn't remember the first time I actually met her but I remember we had a lot of memories, along with my other close friends. She was a good friend of mine, she was also a good friend to a lot of people. I claimed her as my best friend, other people did too. But I didn't feel any kind of friendship jealousy or anything because she was full of kindness that she shared with a lot of people. Everyone got a piece of her kindness. She wasn't that person who is full of sunshine and butterflies, no. She had a lot of emotions that she presented as well, which what made her human to me. I spent a lot of time with her in university, a lot of fun times. I revisited an album on Facebook which was full of our pictures. We went to a car free day in Thamrin, the very early car free day, I couldn't remember which year was it, 2008? 2009? It was just the two of us, there was no car, no street vendors, nobody else on the street except us. We took a lot of pictures. We really had so much fun. She even laid down on the road exactly in front of McDonald's Thamrin and I took a photo of her. I entitled that photo as La La Land and I submitted the photo to the uni's photography contest and I won!
Days with her were full of laughter and fun. She was so genuine that if she disliked something, she must have told her objections and the reason behind her thoughts. Some of the things that reminds me of her are the color blue, Pocari Sweat, glasses, curly hair, stripe shirt, and the song You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift and Bruises by Chairlift that we used to sing out loud.
She was a go getter, if she wanted something, she'd learn and made analytics on how to do it effectively. She loved books. The last one that she recommend me was Atomic Habits, she said the book was really good and I must have liked it. And I did.
Soon as we graduated from uni, we kind of separated because of our life path were no longer crossing. I was given a responsibility to start my own career, be responsible as a young adult and make my own money. I grew up in a very chaotic family, so life to me was really rough. I was busy with work, not only to make money but also to distract me from the chaotic and stressful family situation that I was in. My early 20s were messy and bumpy. I had to time to cry nor processing my thoughts or emotion. I was not poor poor, I had roof above my head, I have my parents and my sister at home. But you know, the deepest trauma sometimes came from things that usually looks okay from the outside.
So again, as I was trying to fill up my days with work, she still asked me to go out and hang out with our friends. I mostly declined and said no, maybe next time, which I rarely did because I practically was working from Monday to Sunday. She used to ask me to hang out spontaneously, but as my schedule was packed so I impromptu plans didn't sit well with me. As days and months went by, she eventually stopped asking me to hang out, because she also had work and maybe disappointed in me too. If I looked on Facebook, there were a lot of pictures of her and my uni friends after we graduated, but I wasn't in the pictures because of the reasons above.
We crossed path a few times and still maintaining a good friendship even though time have separated us. We didn't meet as much but each time we talked, it was good and meaningful conversation. It's that kind of friend that you can share so many things and just continue the stories even though you haven't met in a year or so.
Lala, that was her name and October 24th was her birthday. Last year, she gave birth to a baby boy on her birthday, October 24th. So today should have been Lala's 33rd birthday and Adhan's 1st birthday. But Lala had complications and passed away on November 2nd, a day after my birthday. To me it's too tragic and sad to tell and write about.
I still remember in the morning of November 2nd, I got a whatsapp from a friend telling that I should join a zoom call to pray for Lala. It was hazy and confusing. Lala who was healthy and happy and just became a mother, was laying helplessly on the hospital bed. I was watching from my computer screen, in a zoom call. I can still recall the moments during the zoom call and how it went better for an hour and Lala was gone shortly after. It was really hard for everyone. It was the saddest day that I've experienced.
I didn't have any last words with her, it was really hard. I remember that my cousin once told me about how she was dealing with her father's death who was miles away from her. Just talk to an empty chair, tell how you feel and your hope for them, basically pour your heart out and have the closing conversation as if the person is in front of you. So I did.
I did the conversation on November 3rd, on my way back home after visiting Lala at their home. I was driving and I had a 'conversation' with her. It was heavy but it helped me even for a tiny bit. I also watched a TEDx video about how to deal with grief. I found the explanations are very helpful. The person who passed away might physically not here with us, but try to remember the memories and values and continue their legacy. Talk about the good memories with and about them, that's how we continue life and keep them alive in our hearts.
Today, almost a year after she passed, literally not a single day passed by without tiny reminder about her. The color blue, the bus that she told me about, a can of Pocari Sweat, glasses, stripe shirt, Taylor Swift's song, journaling, and the other small but sentimental things that I never thought would have reminded me of her.
Lala, you will always be in my heart. Thank you for being such a good friend to me, thank you for all the memories that we have shared. I love you.
