The last two weeks has been emotionally heavy for me. It's so heavy that I needed to vent out on this blog.
Basically there are three main events happened. I got sick for more than a week, my cousin who is a sister at heart to me passed away and BIGBANG released their single, Still Life. I'm a type of person who internalized a lot of things. You may call MBTI as a source that I must not trust but f, it helps me to define myself better. I'm an INSJ and it's so crowded in my head. In a normal life, I'm mentally tired because I can't seem to stop thinking about things. Not to mention that I passed a few major events in life.......
I got sick on Monday the 21st. It was rather weird. I spent the weekend, both Saturday and Sunday, outside. It's something peculiar because my husband and I usually only spend one day going out. We just couldn't afford going out all weekend in our 30s. On Saturday we had early lunch at his office, along with his teammates. On Sunday, we went for lunch with my Mom and went to my favorite plant shop in Ragunan. I recall that it was a hot day, a really hot day. Then on Monday I woke up with the worse sore throat ever. During this pandemic, I zoomed in every little pain that I felt on me. I put a magnifying glass on every little thing that felt uncomfortable on my body. So when it's a sore throat, my guards were so high I took 5 antigen test and 1 PCR on the following days to make sure that I was negative from the pandemic sickness. Apparently I was negative, it was JUST a sore throat, nothing more, but it cost me my energy because I felt lethargic for ten days.... Crazy.
Move back a little to 10th of March, I texted my cousin, I sent her an old photo of us with our moms. I told her that she looked very pretty in the picture. She replied and she asked me about the land that I bought. I didn't reply. I didn't reply her earlier messages asking about the land either. I don't know why but I didn't. Fast forward to March 23rd, I received a phone call from my sister, telling me that our cousin was sick. I was like 'huh?? for real??' and I proceeded to text our cousin and replied her last question about the land. The following minutes after that felt surreal. My sister calling me back and told me that Kak Ia, our cousin, passed away just a few hours earlier.
Huh?? For reall?? No.
Huh???
Receiving a news about the loved ones passing, was never easy. It was like shocked, disbelieve, shocked again, questioning, and never accepting, at least for the first two to three days.
Kak Ia, whose actual name is Dina, was my cousin. She was 10 years older than me, her birthday is in June and this April should be her 15th wedding anniversary with her loving husband. When my family was in bankruptcy around 20 years ago, I moved to my grandma's house where Kak Ia was also living in, along with her mom and her brother. Because of that, I have many memories about her and with her. She wasn't like a cousin to me, she's a big sister that I really look up to. In my family, there's a lot of cases where the Dads were not in the picture. So we daughters were like trying to look up to an inspiring mentor, which in my case, the person is Kak Ia, my cousin. Throughout my life, Kak Ia had always been motivating me to thrive for the better. She was always asking me 'what next', she listened to my stories and my plans and she lift me up higher by elaborating my plans with her big sister advices, which I really needed. To me, I wouldn't be who I am today if she wasn't in my life.
