Rocky Trail

I’m currently listening to Kings of Convenience’s new song, Rocky Trail, for the hundredth time only God knows. The melody is so vibrant but soft, sweet and innocent like an ice cream vanilla with small bit of crunchy colorful toppings that are just slightly sweet. Listening to the song is like opening a box of memories that has been kept inside my head, that I probably have forgotten about. To hear a new song from Kings of Convenience in this hard time is like getting a fresh water and a place to shade under, in the middle of a long walk at the desert. The first time I listened to it, it warms my heart. Now that I’ve listened to it on loop all day long, I googled the lyrics and all I know, my eyes are wet.

The song is just beautiful, it hits me right on my soft spot that I keep so deep in me and don’t really show to many people.

The way I interpret the song, it starts with a kind of encouragement. 

Brave enough to go traveling around the world

Without money to eat or sleep for

I really love these lines. For a person who loves to go out and see the world, it connects with me. My wanderer soul is always thirsty for an adventure. A silent adventure because I really love exploring and experiencing things alone. I love to immerse myself in the moment, like it’s just me and the world in front of me. I love paying attention to the very little detail around me, like the old Japanese lady who were standing in front of me in a station in Tokyo, who was wearing a beautiful velvet emerald green coat and a dark brown leather boots. I remember the smallest little details.

The song continues into this even more beautiful lines.

Seeing what you can do with your hands and feet

I feel there is no question about it

Almost anything you can imagine

Almost any goal

You will get there

It’s like a reminder of hope, which is what we all need to plant in our hearts. We are all born perfect as who we are, we can do so many amazing things with just our hands and feet. We can create so many beautiful things with our hands. We can walk to the furthest destination with our feet. If we have the will to do it. The lines are like reminding me to keep on going, no rush, no pressure, but you will get there eventually if you choose to do something with your own will.

This song is like a journey. It starts with hope and in the middle of the melodies, the lyrics somehow changes into what the title is all about, rocky trail. And this is where it feels like having a stranger who knocks my chained heart that only a few people understand without I have to explain myself to make everything seems valid.

Maybe you could have told me

There was a world on your shoulders that needed lifting

Maybe I could have helped you with that

The weight is not easy I know

But you never know

This is where I didn't expect my own reaction to this song.

Healing the wounds on my soul is a journey. It’s never been easier, I’m the one who’s stronger and equipped with more understanding and knowledge about the whole situation that I am in. Growing up in a household full of anger and negative emotion was very confusing. Now that I’m out of the unfortunate situation, I can start to see, mark the dots, try to understand with my own facts, learn from it, take notes, move back to my present life and remind myself that I am ok, I am safe and my feelings are valid. I am the one who can give myself comfort because we are born perfect into this world, we were just kind of lost along the way and thought that we needed validations and go through a very challenging journey. 

Last November (2020), I discovered a psychologist’s channel on Youtube who changed my life completely for the better. When I watched the first video from her channel, I remember feeling like finding the answer to all of my doubts in life. I have always questioned myself, whether I’m actually normal or am I a mean human being? A few hours into discovering her channel, I feel like finally have someone who understands me completely without having to explain myself, the situation that I am in, the problems that I’m encountering, everything that makes me second guessing myself. It feels like she was just sitting there and she understands me. And by having someone who understands me like that it feels like the weight had been lifted from my back. The heavy baggage that I’ve been carrying through all my life for decades, finally lifted up just because I found this psychologist’s channel, who doesn’t even know that I’m exist in this world. I cried like I never did before. I felt so relieved. I never expected to even experience that moment because I thought life was just very challenging. 

And this song, it’s just like that. It’s like the whole experience that I had in November last year. November is my birth month. Last year, I felt like I was born again just by understanding the whole situation that I am in.

I thought your shoes were good

I thought they would take you to the end of any road

I thought your back was strong

But I should have carried you to the top of the rocky trail

Carried you to the top of the rocky trail

I should have carried you to the top of the rocky trail

I’m glad that I have the small circle of loving husband and best friends in my life. From the Oprah’s book that I’m currently reading, the best cure to mental wound is by having a good relationship with the people who are close to you at heart. In my current state of life, my spouse and my best friend are the best cure to my wounds. I also understand that we are the one who holds the key into happiness and the opposite, sadness. But we are also responsible in taking care of ourselves physically and mentally. I'm learning that I must always believe in myself, believe my facts and not second guessing myself. I'm responsible in helping myself to go out into a better life. And for that destination, I'm giving myself hope and allow myself to take my time. I will get there.